My daily blues

It's one of those rare times when the world doesn't seem to be conspiring against me. I've started reading again. All kinds of stuff. Meg Cabot, Nabokov, O'Henry, Thomas Hardy and errr..Nancy Drew. :P (I will never be too old for some books. And never be old enough for some others. Hah!) Things on the political front are going my way! McCain's gaining in poll numbers. Not that I believe in them. But I like to hear nice things about the guy I'm rooting for. His Saddlebrook performance was one of the brightest moments in my boring life in a long time. I can't wait till the debates. More good news came in the form of Biden as VP. Overlooking Hillary would come back to haunt them. And the suspense over the GOP's Veep is KILLING ME! I've also been catching up with some old friends. FINALLY! It feels good. I know there are still a lot of people who are on my ignore list for no fault of their own, and I will never have the balls to do anything about it. Shame on me. Still it's good to be back with old friends. And I'm glad to be talking again to my virtual bro--who is as dirrty and horny as me and wayyyy sweeter. Also, a real bro, sent me my first ever rakhi gift. It's way beyond the most beautiful gift I could've ever received. And it also makes me sad in a way. Because he's not a phone call away anymore. I'll cherish all the moments I had with him-the first time I ever had alcohol, the time when i went crying to him with a broken heart, the time when he gave me a pep talk about life or the time when he gave me the best andhra food I ever ate in delhi. Heck, every bloody moment with him was a dream. I'm blessed to have someone care about me so much.

And still I'm not happy. It's the thought of this one person which seems to make sure every moment is a stark reminder of the mistakes I made, the wrong decisions I took, and the friends that I lost. It makes me feel just a little more stupid and maybe a little more wise, which I can assure you, is of no solace.

I don't think I can ever write or talk to anyone about it. So I think I'll go back to dreaming about what might have happened if I'd done just one thing right. Just one damn thing.